12. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Even his son turned up. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. What are you doing? I asked. Me: No, I dont. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. The two lads objected strongly. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 1. Large mahogany desk.. 9. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Louis, I grumbled. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". ! Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. I dont see it.. A drill serGENTLEMEN! During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Air Traffic Control 6. We have one or two in here! 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Pilots 5. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Return to Humor Index. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. He needed COVER! As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Theyre U.S. AF! What did you do? A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. [Answered]. A PETTY officer! This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. 36. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. R-i-i-ing!) A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. . However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Im 81 years old, he answered. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Co-Pilot: What?!. They know how to take up space. Rodrigues there? Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. (Hang up. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. 3. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. How tough? A LOOtenant! Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. This happened several times times throughout the flight. USA: Choppers A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Learn from the mistakes of others. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. 1. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to [email protected]. March forth! After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. He says, Anyway, enough about me. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Read more. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. 3. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Caller: Is Sgt. 18. The other replied, Not me! They sure grow up fast, dont they?. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. USN: Helos All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. 5. At least SEVEN Cs! The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. OHH OHOH! My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? What do hungry Marines eat? 4. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. 32. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to [email protected]. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. You had tents?" Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? The Army will post guards around the building. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Nothing, she said. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. you cant do both. Proceed at your own risk. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Marines Say OOOOORAH! Yes, she said. Want more amazing military jokes? A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. He finally comes dragging in at. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. DeFrigNo! My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Why won't you kiss me? I heard this one from my basic training company commander. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. 8. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Now he likes peanuts.. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Auld Lang Slice During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. 10. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Then one day I couldnt find it. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. What does ARMY mean to you? Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. I will take the both of you for a ride. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. More information More like this I just put them all together for your amusement. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Semper Pie How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. 3. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Why? I asked. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. Did you make it all by yourself? Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. What happened Sergeant? Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. 65. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. 28. He had the same plane as yours. ! Again, no reply. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. It took the poor guy all day. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Thats Daddy. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Rodrigues? Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Rodrigues there? Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Killed bin Laden. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. It was PRIVATE. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Heres what they came up with: and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Aviation Humor. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Caller: Is Sgt. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Did it work? Long Haul Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? How much noise can we make up here? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. As A.J. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Bad altitude. How tough? What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? The c.i.a. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. 40. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Aviation JOKES. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. 4. I'm impressed! Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. 1. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Stay out of clouds. ", 55. 54. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? She told me she warships them. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Divert your course NOW! Baltimore, said Dad. Ocean Pearl, I answered. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Me: Hello? I say again, stand down and divert your course. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? We are directly under the moon.. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet.
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